Grammar Check

A Pop Quiz

Ok. I think that the following sentence is incorrectly formulated, but I cannot put into words why it is wrong.

In order to successfully work with Rational ClearCase from Rational Rose, the Rose ClearCase add-in must be active in the Rose Add-In Manager.
Aside from its passivity, I see something wrong with the agreement between the prepositional phrase at the beginning and the meat of the rest of the sentence. What do you call this?

Of course, I could be wrong. Perhaps this is a perfectly fine sentence. The writer is trying to avoid referring to actual human beings. I suppose I would rewrite the sentence this way:

The Rose ClearCase add-in must be active in the Rose Add-In Manager for the Rose-ClearCase integration to operate.
The Rose-ClearCase integration will not work unless the Rose ClearCase add-in is active in the Rose Add-In Manager.
Sadly, that second sentence is approaching the issue from the negative direction. Even more sadly, I have gone on about this issue for tooooooooo long.

2 thoughtful messages from friendly readers:

Washington Cube said...

...and we are thinking about this just days before Christmas...why???

taleswapper said...

If we stop thinking about grammar just because it's the holidays, then the terrorists win.