What Kind of Person Gives His Neighbors Nicknames?

The creator of Pearls Before Swine does:

I don’t know any of my neighbors’ names.

I think that’s excusable when you’ve only lived next to them for three months.

My problem is that I’ve lived next to them for eight years.

It doesn’t inconvenience me. I don’t talk to them. The only time it comes up is when Staci — who does talk to them — is telling me a story.

“Doug said they haven’t had any offers on their house.”

“Who’s Doug?” I ask.

“Doug. Our neighbor.”

“The fat guy whose wife doesn’t talk to him?”

“That’s Jim. Doug is across the street.”

“Oh, the guy with all the crap on his lawn.”

“Yeah.”

I like my nicknames better.

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